Greg and I have had a hard time feeling the spirit lately while at church. There are so MANY people and after a year and a half I still only know half of their names. They are wonderful and nice, but I guess I feel like I still only know people on the surface level. I am not sure if that is the reason why we don't feel the spirit or not. I am sure some of it is us, some of it is other things and some of it is even more other things. I don't think there is one reason.
Well, yesterday before church, we knelt and said a prayer that today we would be able to feel the spirit. And I did, a little bit. Sister Johnson's talk was very touching. But I guess I still felt like I lacked. I sort of felt the spirit when I taught the primary children A Child's Prayer. I love that song and I can't help feel something when I sing it. That was the song I always sang when I was little and afraid. But some how it still left me wanting more....
When I got home from church, I was tired. I always am. Church wears me out. I messed around of the computer, talked to my sister, and made dinner. I thought of the musical "The Book of Mormon" and the song in it called "I believe" . It is supposed to be a joke to make fun of Mormons. How a Mormon "Just believes" even if it sounds crazy or is crazy. The song does some how ring true. That is what faith is. Believing without seeing. Believing even when it doesn't all add up in your head. "Faith is not to have a perfect knowledge of things, therefore if yea have faith yea hope for things which are not seen which are true"( Thank you very much family scripture time for helping me memorize that) However, my mind did think about how everything really does sound crazy to most educated people without faith. Not just Mormonism but all Christianity really. Or all organized religion. I sighed. I was deep in thought. I decided to just go to bed.
I was reading in bed waiting for Greg to come up so I could go over my feelings with him. I was waiting and reading and waiting.... And then I heard something. Did I leave the TV on? Was Greg playing music down stairs? ..... I listened..... A beautiful sweet voice was singing. Who was it? What was it singing?
"Gethsemane Jesus loves me. So he went willingly to Gethsemane
He felt all that was sad, wicked or bad
All the pain we would ever know
While His friends were asleep
He fought to keep
His promise made long ago
Gethsemane Jesus loves me. So He went willingly to Gethsemane"
It was Ali. But it was almost too good to be Ali. My heart was touched. It was soft, gentle, and innocent. I wasn't expecting my heart to suddenly burn. I felt the spirit. She sang for two minutes- All the way down the hall in her room while I was in mine. I thought about going to her. Thanking her. Telling her I needed that more than anything. But I didn't. I don't know why. Maybe I was too shocked by what I felt. I almost was afraid to move because maybe I might pop the bubble I felt.
Thank you for answering A Child's Prayer last night Heavenly Father. You really are there. That is Why I believe.
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