Forgot

I just looked at the calender at the bottom of the computer. 

3:29 PM 3/26/2013. 

 

I look at it all of the time.  But this time for some reason the number jumped out at me.  I have been so busy collecting money for cub scout camp, helping Elizabeth move, reading with the kids, homework, laundry, cleaning, making meals etc...I forgot.  

 

Baby number 5 would have been born a few day ago. 

 

 I was due on March 29th, and I normally have my babies a week early because I need a c-section. 

 

I can't believe I forgot.

 

I am glad I forgot. And I am also sad I forgot. And mad at myself I forgot.  How could I?  How could I have forgotten that?  How could I have forgotten baby number 5?  I hate myself for it.  My life would have totally been different.  Things would have been crazy right now.  I might have even been home from the Hospital by now.  It might have been another boy or .... a girl.....to many possibilities to even think of.  Crazy. 

 

 I have been so happy this last month.  I have felt so blessed.  I have loved my day to day life ( for the most part).  I feel like so many of my dreams have come true and now I am just living my dreams.  I have been so happy that I forgot the sadness.  Funny how the heart heals. 

 

 I need to read with Enoch yet.  I got dinner to make and clean up.  I am teaching astronomy to the cub scouts tonight and of course there is homework.  Sigh.  I cried while writing this, but somehow..... I am already feeling better.