Deciding what college to go to

So when I was a senior in High School, I had to decided what college to go to. I had always wanted to go to BYU. It was my dream. I had worked so hard to be able to get in. I have a learning disability, so school work always took me longer than it did most people. But I had a dream. So I took all of the Honors classes available at my school. I made the varsity Soccor team. I was in band, drama, Science club, varsity choir, etc... I went to seminary every day unless I was sick and missed school. Most everything I did, I did with that BYU application in mind. I would cry if I got Bs on tests or papers because I knew Bs would not get me into BYU. Unlike what you might think, my parents HATED the idea of me going to BYU. "It was to far away" they said. Plus they have always had a little thing against people from around here going to school at BYU because there are great schools here and great institutes here ( the ones that they went to) and they think people should "build up the kingdom where they are" It has never bothered me to do stuff my parents disagree with, so I was still dead set on going to BYU. My parents had one rule though, I had to at least visit BYU. I had never been there. I had only been to Utah once, when I was 11 to take my brother on his mission. So my mom and I planned a trip out there. It was on her birthday, so around Nov. 4th 2001. We flew out there which was fun. I remember being very excited when we finally got to provo. We found our hotel and I wanted to go see the campus. For some reason my mom didn't. So I asked her if I could just go walk around be myself. She said yes ( which now that I think of it was crazy!!! Mom I was in some weird city I had never been to before and you are going to go let me explore) I walked out of the hotel and I wanted to get to campus. I had no idea where it was, but I thought if I just walked towards the big Y on the mountain, I would run into campus. And I did. It was cold but a weird kinda cold. In Indiana, you would have needed a coat, but something about the air there made it not so cold. I walked around campus for a long time exploring. I even ran into someone from my stake, Chris Connley. I thought as soon as I walked on campus I would feel at home-- A calm, peaceful feeling. But it didn't happen. I didn't feel anything. Or if I did feel anything I felt negative feelings. I don't remember walking back to the hotel ( How did I find my way back?!?!) The next day I had official tours of the campus. I went to church there, and I remember eating at the cafeteria. It felt bad. I don't know why. Looking back now I wonder if the problem was that I was only hanging out with college Freshman. They seemed so young, innocent, carefree, and immature. I was used to going to college and hanging out with my siblings whose friends were a mixture of ages, some even 30 years old working on PhDs and curing cancer. However, I think things were just supposed to feel wrong. So I went back home to ponder these things. Later, I got into IU, Purdue and BYU ( I only applied to those three). So now I had to decide what school to go to. I knew I had to pray about it to know which was right. This was the biggest decision in my life up to that point in time. I knew I shouldn't make it on my own. I had never "prayed and gotten an answer" before. I prayed all the time- for guidance, for comfort, for help but never for something that had one thing as the answer. I felt like I knew how to pray about something important. 1. I had done my own investigation on the matter and had pondered the facts 2. I decided to fast. 3. I had to make a decision for myself, pick a school and then ask Heavenly Father if it was right. I did this all. I picked BYU. I fasted. I prayed about it. And nothing happened. I didn't feel good or bad. I thought that might happen, so I just decided to do it the next Sunday too. I did. Still nothing. I did this several times. Nothing. Then I switched to Purdue. Nothing. I prayed about Purdue for several weeks. Nothing. Now a lot of time had passed. I needed to make a choice. Everyday people were talking about what school they were going to and I couldn't decide. I remember my U.S. History teacher asking my every day in the Hallway. I had no idea. PLUS I felt horrible inside. I couldn't figure out how to pray and get an answer. I knew in the next few years I would be making BIG decisions, school, majors, marriage, children... I had to figure out how to pray and get an answer!!!! I read so many church books and articles on prayer. I really did try everything. My parents told me I needed to decide. They said if I wasn't getting an answer then it must not matter where I was supposed to go. So I picked. I picked BYU. I couldn't go wrong with BYU. It was a church school. God would never be upset that I picked that. I remember kneeling by my bed that night telling Heavenly Father that I was going to BYU. And then while I was praying I sort of made a deal with him. I don't know where I got his from. -Back track- So I was crazy about applying for scholarships. I loved it. I thought it was so much fun!!! I don't know how many I applied for- I would say around 50. I read that the more you applied too the more you got and that was true. I think I got 8 or 9 scholarships. All small little ones, but still it was fun. I would go and look at the scholarship board every study hall. This one scholarship was posted on the scholarship board that looked awesome. It was for Purdue for English majors. (Now I had a learning disability in English) But not only did they give you money, you got to be in some special honors class that would bring in special professors from all over the college to speak and listen to them) Then the second semester you would pick a professor and work one on one with them the whole semester on a special project. The whole thing sounded awesome. I decided to apply - because i applied to everything. I had to submit a paper that I had written. I picked one from my Jr. year on Uncle Tom's Cabin. It was called "Where much is given; much is required." I didn't get a good grade on it which means I got a B. But I loved that paper. I poored my heart and soul into it. I sent it in. The bad part about this scholarship was that it said that they weren't going to announce the winners until the end of June. -OK back to my prayer- So I told God I was going to BYU and that if for some reason I was making a terrible mistake and I just didn't understand his answer all this time to send me a sign. I told him "Let me get that Awesome scholarship from Purdue that promised all of that awesome stuff" - I knew it wouldn't happen because of my learning disability and because the paper I sent in got a B. The next day I wore my BYU shirt to school and my BYU socks. I told everyone I was going to BYU. I found my U.S. History teacher and told him. I was going to BYU. I got home from school and something had come for me in the mail. It was from Purdue's School of Liberal Arts.( I am crying now as I write this) It told me I had got the scholarship! I got it. It was only April. They were supposed to wait until June to pick. They had given me the scholarship when the night before I had been on my knees telling God to give me this scholarship only if going to BYU was not his will. What did it mean!?!?! Believe it or not I still wasn't sure. Did God answer prayers like that?! When my dad came home from work, he open the scriptures to the Old Testament and read me the story of Gideon. Gideon couldn't figure out what to do, so he put some sheep skin out side and asked God to make the dew on the ground and not on the Sheep skin and then visa versa if he was supposed to lead the armies into battle. I had done the same thing. I couldn't figure out what to do. I did what Gideon had done. God had answered my prayers. We went out to Pizza Hut to celebrate. I think my parents were thrilled beyond belief. And the next day I told everyone that I was going to Purdue. That is why I believe.