Darkness

I have always been afraid of the dark. I don't remember a time when I wasn't afraid of the dark. However, it used to petrify me. Now this is ok when you are 5 or 6 maybe but when you are 16, it is a bit weird. I always slept with the lights on and the door open ( the door would have to be open so I could make a quick get away if needed - weird huh?). I would never allow myself to stay up late because I could not be the last one up. I needed to fall asleep with people still moving around my house. That paper route I had for one year was AWFUL. I would be hot and sweaty and my heart would be pounding as I ran from a house to the car with the paper. I would sing primary songs in my head to try to distract me. Seminary was bad too because it was still dark when I left my house.
Girl scout camp was horrible. I think there was 1 week when I was around 11 that I didn't sleep the whole week. And I never slept well at camp. I always sang "A Child's Prayer" over and over and over and over and over in my head. I always prayed for peace and calm to get me through those nights. I think that is where my first testimony came from-- those prayers late at night when i felt all alone and by myself. I would pray with all of my heart for peace and comfort so I could fall asleep. Some times when I think about some of those times, I think I was crazy -- Really crazy-- Like maybe I needed to be in a looney bin. I felt like the darkness was trying to get me. But one thing i know for sure is I can think of 5 or so times when I was so scared that I could feel the darkness encasing me and I would pray and a shield would form around me. I could feel the shield. I remember not wanting to move because I was afraid the shield would break.
I often wondered why I was afraid of the dark. I went to therapy several times about. At one point in time, I thought it had something to do with some thing bad that happened to me in the dark when I was little. But I don't think that any more. I simply think I was afraid of the dark. And I am in a weird way thankful for that fear because I think it taught me at an early age to pray and to believe.

Now to go on to one of the most spiritual things that has ever happened to me. I won't write it all. It doesn't seem right to.... too personal... too sacred. However, I do wish for my children to know about this, so maybe I will write it down some where else. When I first went to the temple, something very special happened. The temple worker was just saying what they always say I am sure but something happened. When she was talking to me, it burned in her heart as she told me the words, and it burned in my heart. I felt like she could feel all of my fear that I had had, and she was telling me that I didn't need to be scared any more. There was no greater power than Heavenly Father's and this protection that he was giving me would make the darkness go away. I haven't been afraid since. Now when I walk out side and it is dark I still take a deep breath.BUT on a scale of 1 to 100, it is a 5 now and it used to be 95. It isn't even comparable.

And if you are wondering, I slept with the lights off that night, and every night since. And the "darkness" has never come again.