College-2002

My freshman year of college, I got really depressed. Things just weren't going right. I am embarrassed to say that most of it probably had to do with a boy. We had broken up, and I just had trouble getting back on track. I was so depressed. I was also still struggling with the fact that Jason Kirton had left the church. He had such big dreams and was going to do so much good. It hurt me inside to think of the things that would never happen now. Also, I respected Jason. He was my best friend. My best Friend since 2nd grade-- for really 10 years. That is longer than I have even known Greg now. He made me have my doubts. He made me believe that the Spirit, I had felt so many times, was all in my head. That during a testimony meeting, I was working myself up, and making my brain realise endorphins to feel that way. He said that often times people feel that feeling on a football team or even at summer camp. Which is true- I have felt really strong feelings like -I stress the word like that at camp and I know other people have had feelings like that about band.
I was not only depressed inside; I was mad. I am not sure why I was mad but I was. The anger burned in my heart. Full of hate and bitterness one night, I started to read my scriptures. Why? I am not sure. Habit? When I have my life in order one of the things I always do is read my scriptures every day. I was trying to put my life back in order, so I got them out to read so i could check it off of my list of things to do before bed. I was reading full of this raging darkness that was inside of me and then suddenly.... the feeling started from somewhere deep inside of me. It started out small and just grew stronger and stronger. The calm quiet peace slowly destroyed the bitterness that had been inside. It almost exploded out of me by the time I was done. So much so that I started to cry sitting at my desk in my room with my scriptures open. I don't remember what I read. I wish I did. But I don't think it was important or meaningful at the time. I felt the spirit not just whisper but tell me "It is true" I was not planning on feeling the spirit. I was planning on reading 1 chapter in the scriptures and then continue on being bitter as I got the rest of my to do list done. BUT then the spirit came. It testified to me that all the things I have been taught are true. I did not make it up in my head. I was not causing endorphins to be realised. I did not work myself up. It just happened. After that I changed. I started serving others and doing positive things. I volunteered to be a reading couch for a little 2nd grade boy, I joined Big Sisters, I volunteered at Habitat for Humanity once a week, I joined Liberal Arts Student Council, I assistant directed "To Kill a Mocking Bird", I prayed every day, I read my scriptures, and I became the branch Sunday School Teacher. Soon after this I was happy every day. I replaced that sad time with things that were good and made me happy. It was one of the best things I ever did. I am so thankful for that night when I read the scriptures and the Spirit spoke to me and told me to hold on even though I was in a dark place. That it would get better and that I need to hold on to the rod-- because looking back now I think I almost let go. That is why I believe.